Beyond Distraction: Strategies for a Purpose-Driven Life
I've had ADHD for as long as I can remember. It drives me crazy. I tend to switch between tasks, projects, and even careers. Okay, it also drives my wife crazy. On the upside of ADHD, I can hyperfocus and be extraordinarily effective. So, how do I create a lifestyle that minimizes the downside while maximizing the upside in a world that offers an ocean of distractions?
In a classic story from the book of Luke, Jesus contrasts Mary and Martha's mindset and behavior. Mary sits at his feet, soaking in every ounce of wisdom she can absorb. At the same time, Martha busies herself with preparations as a hostess. Jesus says to Martha:
"you are worried and upset about many things, but few things are needed—or indeed only one. Mary has chosen what is better, and it will not be taken away from her." - Luke 10:41-42 (NIV)
It’s not a criticism of Martha's desire to serve or get things done; it is a commentary on how distraction leads to anxiety, preventing us from focusing on what truly matters. In Martha's case, it was only one thing - she was in the presence of Jesus and was missing out on learning from him.
Being easily distracted and also driven to achieve is not a good combination if you want a low-stress life. So, I decided years ago to add a weekly Sabbath day and stop all work for a full day to rest. The concept seemed simple and attractive, but it became an anxious struggle akin to symptoms of withdrawal. I found it incredibly challenging to avoid checking my phone, email, or "getting things done."
Devoting just one day a week to pure joy and delight felt like torture and the opposite of pleasure. Devoting just one day a week to pure joy and delight felt like torture and the opposite of pleasure. At the core of this inability to stop was connecting achievement and productivity to my sense of self-worth. It was a sort of idolatry and a significant barrier to living my best life and doing my best work.
If you can relate and if distractions and anxiety are constants in your life, consider the possibility you may be facing the same problem.
Let's talk about the tyranny of distraction we live in. Research from the UK indicates that an average person checks their phone every 12 minutes. This doesn't even account for the times we resist the urge to look. The invention of the smartphone put the world's information at our fingertips and conditioned our brains for constant hyper-alertness, always wondering about what's happening elsewhere.
Tech companies profit immensely by designing technology that interrupts our lives, exploiting dopamine—a neurochemical that makes experiences feel meaningful and addictive. High levels of dopamine can make everything seem urgent and important.
The Greek stoic philosopher Seneca wrote around 49 AD, "It's not that we have a short time to live. It's that we waste a lot of it."
Chasing quick dopamine fixes leads to squandered moments that could be spent on love, friendships, productive work, and delight. It turns us into mediocre versions of ourselves. It diminishes our capacity to perform at our highest level and do the great work we are born to do.
I strive to excel as a husband, father, friend, and professional. I run a digital marketing company and coach professionals to excel in their careers. Beating the tyranny of distraction with ADHD in an environment and culture that normalizes constant interruptions is not easy. It is also non-optional if I want to overcome obstacles well and flourish as a human being.
If this resonates with you, here are some of the strategies I've adopted to focus on what truly matters for a fulfilling life:
1. Develop a robust spiritual practice. Keep the one main thing - the main thing. Even secular studies show that love for the divine is directly connected to happiness, health, wealth, and longevity. A daily spiritual practice is non-optional if you want to thrive. If your daily practice feels more like a habit than a source of life energy - it's time to reimagine it.
2. Limit Cheap Dopamine Sources. Use technology as a tool, not a master. Limit email checks to 2-3 times a day, and avoid using your phone before bed and first thing in the morning. Engage with TV for entertainment or learning, not escape.
3. Learn to Transform Stress into Creativity. Develop skills to turn stress into a state of flow where you are most creative, joyful, and impactful. It will help you to both excel in work and be fully present with loved ones.
4. Nurture Deep Community. A group of people you can be around quite a bit that is both a safe place to make mistakes and a challenging place that calls you higher.
5. Create a multi-dimensional, long-term vision for your life. It must include specific goals and steps to get there. Then, focus on the steps and process to get there without obsessing over the goals.
Tip: A sober view of where you are now is a good start. Here’s a link to the Xponential Scorecard. This free research-based assessment takes 5-6 minutes, and a personalized report is sent to your email. If you’re intentional and thoughtful in your answers - you’ll get a clear view of where you are in the dimensions of life that matter most.
Jesus and Seneca both spoke to the phenomenon of busying ourselves with nonessentials that perpetuate chronic anxiety. By focusing on what's truly important, we can transform our lives in extraordinary ways.
As I write these lines, the sun is rising outside my window in beautiful Isla Mujeres, painting the skies in a glorious display of breathtaking beauty. I have learned to create the habits, rhythms and environments that allow me to get things done AND be present, focusing on what’s truly important. The strategies described in this post have helped me experience delight, joy, and purpose daily. Even with ADHD and several projects going on at any given time - my marriage of 25 years is flourishing, my friendships are solid, and I love my work. I have my bad days and unexpected setbacks, like everyone else on this planet, but I have the skills to navigate these inevitable realities. The most important part is - anyone can learn this. All it takes is devotion to the process.
Our predisposition to distraction and wasteful anxiety has always been there. It predates the tyranny of distraction brought to us by smartphones and social media. The secret to a successful and purpose-driven life is available to us just like it was to Martha and Mary. However, just belief in the idea of a purpose-driven life is not enough. We still need to learn the skills to focus on the few things that matter instead of being a slave to the many things the world is trying to convince you are important.
Martha had the belief but was still worried about many things. Mary, on the other hand, had the belief and focused on the few most important things.
If this post resonated with you, check out this video on something we all crave - finding fulfillment.
You may also enjoy my guest spot of the Peak Performance Podcast with my friend Mark Talukdar. We discuss how to overcome stress, fear and procrastination.
I completely agree about the phone. I find myself constantly mindlessly staring at my phone just because.