the high cost of playing it safe

Christian Ray Flores here —

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becoming undeniable

If you haven’t watched this episode, always worth the watch.

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the high cost of playing it safe

Last weekend I was in Northern Virginia speaking at NewLife Church—a warm, grounded community that actually listens. We brought books to sell to benefit Ascend Academy, and they sold out fast. People kept donating anyway, even after the books were gone.

Most people think unhappiness comes from failure. It doesn’t. It comes from the quiet moments when you know you could’ve done more—and didn’t.

Psychologists E.J. Masicampo and Roy Baumeister found that unfulfilled goals don’t just fade; they hijack your focus. Their study in the Journal of Experimental Social Psychology (2011) showed that when you carry goals you haven’t acted on, your mind burns energy keeping those open loops alive. That mental drag dulls creativity and presence. The dreams you resist don’t vanish—they just weigh you down until you finally move toward them.

I think there’s a spiritual dimension to this. A deep knowing that we’re born with abilities, resources, and possibilities entrusted to us—and a quiet assignment to serve others through them. When we don’t live this out, it hurts at a level logic can’t soothe. So we build stories to justify the stall. Perfectly “reasonable” explanations for why we’ve chosen comfort over calling.

Here are the top three I see most often in my coaching practice:

1. “It’s not the right time.” Translation: I’m waiting for a version of life where risk doesn’t sting.

2. “It’s too late.” The lie that purpose has an expiration date.

3. “I’m being practical.” Which usually means “I’m scared,” but fear sounds less embarrassing than honesty.

To dispel this is easy. Just talk to anyone who finally dismissed the excuses, made a few bold changes, and ended up living a completely different story. Every single one of them will tell you the same thing: I wish I’d done it five or ten years sooner.

What they’re really saying is this: it wasn’t nearly as hard as I thought it would be.

Here are the most effective ways to break the cycle of rationalizations and start making epic moves—starting with one that will change how you feel in week one.